tv The Daily Show Comedy Central September 8, 2016 1:37am-2:08am PDT
were misrepresented. - we don't have any african- americans in our class! - oh-- bye. - all right, so apparently what we're gonna do now is hand count each person's ballot. - mr. garrison, i concede. - you-- you what? - i don't wanna play anymore 'cause this game is stupid. - yeah, it doesn't make any sense. - ike, you could be class president. - i pooped my pants! - can we finger paint now? [together] finger paint! - ah-- yes, yes, let's finger paint! - you did it, kyle. kyle saved your life, fat ass. - look, i'm fading! it must have worked, i don't exist! - oh, that's a bitch. - oh, well, i guess everything's fine now. so let's go home. - hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, cartman-- all you've been doing is making fun of kyle and now he saved your life. you at least owe him a thank you. - oh, man... - cartman! - all right, all right. kyle...
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: thank you so much, everybody. welcome to the "daily show." i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight here to talk about her new tv series "queen sugar," the amazing director ava duvernay is joining us, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) but first up, whenever you hear
"syria," what are first things you think of, a terrible civil war? air strikes killing civilians? the bustling poetry scene? and, of course, assad committing war crimes by using chemical weapons on his own people as well. and it's all driving millions of people to leave syria. which may be why-- and this is completely true-- the syrian government recently released a tourism video to attract visitors to the country. take a look. ♪ ♪ ( laughter ). >> trevor: that's the whole ad. that's it. the the only thing harder than being a civilian in syria, is being the minister of tourism in syria because did you notice, the ad had no words. yeah, it's almost like the minister was like, "what do you want me to write? i don't know what toy say? what am i going to say to them? you think of something.
i can't think of anything." "just show the beach, the one apache we have left. show them that one." syria, here's a quick tip-- if you want to encourage people to come to your country, maybe you should focus less on ads and more on not blowing people up. that's the first step. for instance, look at las vegas. they have a great tourism campaign, but first they had to end the bloody civil war between blue man group and cirque de soleil. they had to start somewhere. i know the syrian copy writers couldn't come up with the right words for the ad, so we at the the "daily show" decide to help. >> you play-off heard sir, may have heard syria is a hell on earth, but does this look like hell to you? look at this plu water. look at this sandy beach. look at this same beach from a different angle or another angle or another-- no, wait. let's go back to this one. this sure is a beautiful beach. a place where the whole family can relax.
( explosion ) ignore that. that was a seagull. can we go back to the beach? syria, just focus on this one beach. >> trevor: i think that works. ( applause ) i think that works. let's move on to our main story, zika. it's coming for you. >> the zika virus is spreading even faster than first thought. >> there are more than 2700 zika cases in the continental united states. >> florida now has documented 56 locally transmitted cases. >> 82 cases in pennsylvania. >> 160 cases in texas. >> new york city has about 500 cases of zika. >> trevor: you're getting zika! you're getting zika! everybody's getting zika! everybody! that's right. zika is spreading throughout the united states. i traveled all way from africa, and now i'm going to die in new york from a mosquito disease. do you understand how embarrassinembarrassing this woi
died of a mosquito disease in america? my family would be shamed forever. ( laughter ) it would be the worst funeral. everybody standing there-- they would have to lie. "what happened to trevor?" "he died of erotic asphyxiation." "he died from a mosquito bite." "no, that did not happen!" now, maybe you're,ing, well, zika only infects unborn babies and i'm not getting pregnant any time soon so why should i care? first of all, you're a bad person and you should reflect on what happened in your life to make you become so cold and heartless. and secondly, zika is worse than they thought. >> there is a new warning about the zika virus. researchers said it could cause braip damage in adults. >> zika could have alzheimer's-like effect on adults. >> guillain-barreé, which a paralysis syndrome. >> new research suggests the virus could be found in our
tears. >> trevor: i'm sorry, what? you could get zika from someone else's tears? i'm sorry, if you're contracting zika from someone else's tears, that's on you. ( laughter ) how are their tears get spog your system? what are you doing? stop crying. stop crying. stop crying. what are you doing? so the the zika epidemic is a crisis that's only getting worse. and now the bad news is that the the c.d.c. says they're three weeks away from running out of money to fight zika in the united states. yes, but, but, the badder news is that congress is on case. >> u.s. senate failed to pass a bill to fight zika virus. >> democrats blocked the measure. they reject to restrictions in the bill. republicans want to ban planned parenthood clinics from receiving federal money to fight zika. >> trevor: oh, i get it, it makes sense. it makes sense. so congress can't do anything about the the zika crisis until
we all agree on abortion? how long could that take? not long, right? yeah, yeah? a few weeks, maybe, yeah? and you know it's getting real when congress resorts to show and tell. >> i rise today to talk about zika, and i rise with about 100 mosquitoes straight from florida. mosquitoes capable of carrying the zika virus. this is the reason for the urgency. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i feel like everyone in congress was like, "i need to go to the bathroom right now. i need to go." i also feel like congressman jolly inadvertently came up with a solution here because all he has to do is lock the doors of congress, smash his zika jar, then we'll see how quickly congress can work, people. yeah, yeah. ( cheers and applause ) you'll see how-- just smash the jar, and you'll see.
we'll be like, wow, you passed a bill in 30 minutes. "yeah, well, we're just concerned about the well-being of the american people, and we--" and i know america has, like, a super fancy first world democracy, but when it comes to dealing with epidemics, maybe, just maybe, you should learn about urgency from the third world. for instance, take south africa, my home. right? we had a bit of an aid problem in south africa, you know, in that people were getting aids. ( laughter ) so then, so then the government started distributing free condoms to help combat it. can this was huge in the country because not only was it politicians coming together to fight an epidemic. it also meant we didn't have to hide our condom purchases between two issues of "zeebra weekly" anymore. very important for us. anyway, the free condom thing came with its own issues. and, again, the south african government said there are new issues so we need to take action to fix this problem which brings us to last week. this is cyril ramaphosa, south
africa's vice president. think of him as a p.g.-rated jooeb. now, last thursday, he went in front of parliament in south africa to say when it comes to protecting our people, there's nothing we're not willing to do. >> the minister of health was able a few months ago it to launch a new condom, the max condom is in response to what a number of people were saying. they were saying that the other condoms that had been introduced by government did not smell so well. and it made a noise whenever it was used. ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay, okay, now, now, wait. you may be thinking, hey, south africans, if you can hear condom noises during sex, then you're doing it wrong. well, let me tell you something. you don't know what south african condoms sound like. you see, like, because it seems
like a normal condom, right? there it is. this is basically it. but then, as soon as you add motion, it sounds like a horn. ( laughter ) you can't have sex like that all the time. oh, and pie the a, they didn't just fix the sound problem. they also went out of their way to address the bad smell that people were complaining. >> and it comes in different flavors. if you want a grape flavor, you can get a grape flavor. if you want an apple flavor, you can get an apple flavor. >> trevor: that's my vice president, people! that's the country i come from! ( cheers and applause ) you can have an apple flavor. you can have a grape flavor. that's a government that has the the people's best interests at heart! yeah! america's congress can't agree
on funding, and south africa is addressing flavor complaints. by the the way, you know who i feel really bad, if the person who has the job of condom taster. no, i mean, just like, mmm, grape flavor, grape flavor. yeah, that is grape flavor, uh-huh. okay, what is this one? skin? is that skin? what-- is this a used one? guys, how many times have i told you, used ones on the left, new ones on the right. we are competent at our jobs, this is not congress. come on!" we'll be right back.
verizon is the number one network. hi, i'm jamie foxx for sprint. and i'm jamie foxx for t-mobile. (both) and we're just as good. really? only verizon was ranked number one nationally in data, reliability, text and call, and speed. yeah! and you're gonna fist pump to that? (announcer vo) don't get limited by an unlimited plan. switch now and get our best deal. 20 gigs of limitless data for stst 160 with four lines. all on america's best network. every night is opening night. when you run your own restaurant, coors light. whatever your mountain, climb on. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now, as most of you know, today apple launched the iphone 7. but as we say hello to this new iphone and its two new colors that they've launched, we also said gone to a dear friend. >> some people have asked why we
would remove the headphone jack on the iphone. it really comes down to one word-- courage. ( laughter ) >> trevor: yes. when i think of courage, i think martin luther king, first responders, and what a bunch of cowards they were compared to the dude who removed an iphone hole. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's really what i think. it seems weird to lose the headphone jack, yo, you know. but given how many iphones apple has out these days, i wouldn't be shocked if they announced an iphone that is just headphone jacks to make up for that whole thing. people are losing their minds. they're getting angry. "apple, what am i supposed to do without a headphone jack! this is a bastardization of what an iphone should be. we grew up with headphone jacks!"." this is the way people reacted
to the transgender conversation. "it's not natural. it used to have a thing and now it doesn't have a thing? how am i supposed to-- i grew up and it had-- what are my kids going to think?" "your kids think it's normal." "i don't! i don't! i want it back to the old ways." as always, apple brought up a team of experts talking about the designs, but what you didn't see was the presentation from apple's woke division, and luckily we got our hands on that presentation. let's watched the unaired portions of the keynote right now. >> wow, thank you so much. wow, thank you, thank you so much, thank you, thank you. you guys have heard about the new features, the dual lens camera, the new colors, water resistant. so let's recap on what these features really mean. two words-- toilet proof. say your phone falls into the
toilet. now you just pick it up and put it right back on your mouth. drop a duce, not your call. genius. we've got two new colors, black and jet black. and i know people are asking, "hey, don't all blacks look alike?" well, i thought so, too. but then we realized there are two very different types of blacks, sort of like lil wayne and wayne brady. both of them are waynes, but only one of them you can truly bring home to your parents. sorry, wheezy. now let's talk. feature that truly inspires. these are black phones made for the black experience. first, 256 terabytes of memory, terabytes with a "t." you can have hd recordings of everything, basketball games, concerts. and every single encounter you have with the police. hands up, unlimited shooting. wow, look at that. incredible, incredible. incredible! ( applause )
mao, what if you're not black? you know, so many of our handsome brown users are asking, "hey, how can i text in arabic and not get kicked off a plane?" that's a great question. imessage senses you're on a plane, and replaces arabic text with key phrases like, "i love america! we should totally build that wall! screw that kaepernick guy." muslims on planes, traveling, game changer. what about our female users. ladies, we heard you, we heard you. you're up great. some creepy dude slides into the d.m., hey, babe, let me put my eggplant into your peach bottom. now the iphone 7 can detect any penis reference and auto correct it to something more accurate like this. yeah, yeah. sorry, the phone knows you have a tiny eggplant and live at home
with your mom. now, in case you thought i forgot, we have one more thing. displawd woooo! >> yeah, we do. after all these years, the iphone finally has ( bleep ). that's right. now, for the first time, when you actually type the word ( bleep ), it won't auto correct to ducking. yes! yes! yes! yes! ( cheers and applause ) because unless you're a ninja, who the ( bleep ) is typing "ducking." the iphone 7-- this changes ( bleep ) everything. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back.
thing about nothing except wasting money. how long have you been gone? huh? you ain't been gone that long. how come you don't remember how it's done. >> oh, and how it's done has to be your way, ain't that right? i've been trying on help, but some reason, you've been blocking me every turn. >> i don't honor our father by sitting friends and family outside at fancy tables. we don't honor our father by having strangers serve those grieving. we serve comfort food to those who need comfort, and we do it with our own hands! that's how our family does it! >> trevor: please welcome ava duvernay. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. hello. >> trevor: hello. wat a great honor to have you here. >> i am so pleased to be here. >> trevor: you are one of the
most amazingly talented creators of film that i have ever come across in my life, the way you put stories together, i mean, you've been nominated for awards, you've won many awards. so you know this. i'm not the first person to tell you. but coming into this world, i mean, we've just seen the clip, what are you looking for when you are creating a story like this? what are you looking for from the act ?ors what are you looking for from the the story itself? >> well, tv is very different from film. and i think i underestimated how different it was. it's an elongated story. film is a couple hours. television is 13 hours in the first season and you're creating something you hope goes on for many seasons. >> trevor: "queen sugar" is a really gripping tale, told in a beautiful way, of a family who has had to come home really to take over their father's sugar farm. like, what i found fascinating was, you know, i read up on the show, and then i watched it. and some people were describing it as a beautiful black show.
and i was like but it's not a plaque show. it's a show. and the people in the show happen to be black. >> right. >> trevor: do you consciously do that in a story or is that just something that happens when you tell a story well? >> yeah, i think there's a universality in the specifics. i love korean films. i love iranian films. i love israeli television. i love-- you know, all kinds of things i love. i'm sure there's something in south africa i would love if i saw it. >> trevor: well, our parl. >> something great. that was weird. that was really kind of gross. ( laughter ) but yeah, so i think that there's something beautiful in the the specificity. but when you're watching something so closely at a specific point, in some way, it kind of morphs into your own experience, you know. some kind of universal themes we all can hold on to. >> trevor: yes. >> people think i was worn with "selma," but i actually made films before that. and all of those films i would follow in the middle of nowhere, just stwrrs black people were centered, but it was not
necessarily about their blackness. >> trevor: it is funny how, like you said, the stories in their specificity speak to something larger. in the show, "queen sugar," i think one of the brothers is a man who has just come out of prison. sp he struggles. he struggles getting to grips with real life. >> yeah. >> trevor: and i happened it to see the documentary made "the 13th" which is really speaking to that. just like the idea of how america's system, unfortunately, is almost been created to keep people from reintegrating with society once they've come out of prison. that was another powerful story. again, you have so many choices, so many things to do, why choice that story to tell. >> yeah, the issue of incarceration, and the way we treat the criminals in this country-- who is the criminal? who is not? what do we regard as a crime and what do we let pass? is something that has fascinated me. inned "queen sugar" we have a character, a formerly incarcerated man and so much in it is inviting americans to
chronicle and get to someone someone who was incarcerated and see how we make these folks second-class citizens in this country. can't vote, can't apply for student loans, have to check a box to get a job. really, you've paid your debt to society. at what point are you free of it? >> trevor: what's the most important thing when creating a film, whether a documentary or a tv series, what's the one thing you're trying to do when you make it? >> wow, what a tough question, thanks. this is suppose to be softball. >> i don't know. i just try to give a piece of myself, you know. you don't take "director for hire" projects, "here's the script and the check and go make it." just things that are deeply felt. i feel like we have a short aim of time here but that time can be long when you do what you resonate, whether being good to family and friends, whether creating something that's remembered. i'm just trying on put a piece of myself in it, whatever it is, and that's my goal with what i do. >> trevor: it's a goal you're achieving every day. >> thank you. >> trevor: thank you for being
here. >> thank you. >> trevor: "queen sugar" on own wednesdays at 10 p.m. ava duvernay, everybody, we'll be right bac ♪ hey ladies. when you go then everything goes ♪ ♪ from the crib to the ride and the clothes ♪ ♪ so you better let him know ♪ that if he messed up you gotta hit em up ♪ lime-a-rita splash. the refreshing margarita in a bottle. what headache?in? what arthritis pain? advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain? advil.
zen. >> chris: it's 11:29 and 59 seconds. this happened on nytimes.com! for those of you who've never seen stand-up comedy or talked to a person from new york or l.a., i'm about to blow your mind: l.a. and new york are kind of different. i know. i know. stuff the [beep] back in your pants. also airline food is bad. women will occasionally "be shoppin.'" they're both great towns. as a long time cal